Western vs Asian Culture

How do Asians differ from the Westerners in a cultural perspective? Take a look at these pictures I just received through email to have a better understanding. ;)

Expressing an opinion



Punctuality



Way of life



Noise level in restaurant



Sundays on the roads



When waiting in a queue



Ego / Perception of self



Contacts



Transportation changes: 1970-2006



Enjoying 3 meals a day



Traveling records



Handling problems



Treating a stomachache



Approach to new things



What's trendy (in restaurant)



Moods during weather changes



Relationship of boss with staff



Elderly: daily life

Keywords: Jokes Asian Western culture comparison

You Know One Blue Pill Ain't Enough

You know one pill of Viagra ain't enough when you are like the tapir in this video.



I know it looks really disgusting but it's seriously funny! Maybe someone should get him a whole bottle? ;)

Keywords: "You Know" Compendium Viagra jokes tapir video impotent blue pill

Kancil Terror

(click to enlarge)

No wonder the Perodua Kancil is such a feared car on Malaysian roads. The Mafia has made it their official car!

Keywords: Perodua Kancil terror Mafia official car

You Know Men Have Better Friends

You know men have better friends when you compare these two very similar situations but with very contrasting results.

Friendship Between Women:

A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.

Friendship between Men:

A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over and two claimed that he was still there.

Keywords: "You Know" Compendium jokes friendship friends

A Boy Without Email

After reading this, would you still want to own an email?

A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test. "You are employed."

He said, "Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start."

The man replied, "But I don't have a computer, neither an email." "I'm sorry," said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."

The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10kg tomato crate.

He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realised that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US . He started to plan his family's future. He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email." The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!"

The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"

Moral of the story:

- Internet is not the solution to your life
- If you don't have internet, and work hard, you can still be a millionaire
- If you have an email, you are closer to being an office boy than a millionaire

Have a great weekend!

Keywords: Microsoft joke moral inspirational email

Healthcare

A joke I would like to share with you all.

A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital. During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.

"Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?"

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily
rupture."

"Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay," said the woman.

As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him. Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified?

Again the doctor spoke very calmly, "Same illness, just a better health plan."

Have a great weekend. :)

Keywords: healthcare jokes masturbation blowjob health hospital

Differences Between You & Your Boss

A little joke from an email I would like to share with you to start off the weekend.

When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.

When you take a stand, you're being pig-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.

When you overlooked a rule of ettiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

When you please your boss, you're arse-creeping.
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.

When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.

When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.

Have a great weekend. :)

Keywords: joke employer employee boss differences

Alcohol Jokes

From an email I received recently.

Alcohol: Here's to living single, seeing double and sleeping triple!

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1862!

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

A six pack a day keeps the shakes away!

Whiskey was invented so the Irish wouldn't rule the world.

To some it's half empty, To some it's half full. To me it's time for a beer run!

My drinking team has a soccer problem.

You know you're drunk when you fall off the floor.

If you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. - Jack Handy

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers....

And God said, "Let there be vodka!" And He saw that it was good. Then God said, "Let there be light!" And then He said, "Whoa - too much light."

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. - Henny Youngman

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. - Frank Sinatra

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. -Dean Martin

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven... - Brian O'Rourke

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. -Catherine Zandonella

There's too much blood in my alchohol system

Remember I before E, except in Budweiser.

Beer contains Vitamin Pee.

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. - Frank Zappa

Give a man a beer, he'll waste an hour. Teach a man to brew, he'll waste a lifetime.

Ginsing - What happens on Karaoke Nite after mixing fun with Gin.

Cheers!

Keywords: alcohol jokes beer wine drinks

Mars And Venus Diary Writing

Another one of those Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus comparisons. If a husband and wife were to keep a diary, this would probably be the contents of their respective diaries.

WIFE'S DIARY

Sunday night - I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love u, too." When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV; he seemed distant and absent.

Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.


HUSBAND'S DIARY

Today Manchester United lost the match. DAMN IT!!

Have a great week ahead and may the husband not need to write that entry so often this season! :)

Keywords: joke men mars women venus funny humour diary journal husband wife

Legal Inheritance

Since a lawyer friend sent me this, I have no qualms posting this up.

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed, good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s.

"Can I help you?" she asked.

"I want to see Natalie" the man replied.

"Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies.

Perhaps you would prefer someone else." said the madam.

"No. I must see Natalie" was the man's reply.

Just then, Natalie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $1,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten one hundred dollar bills and gave them to Natalie and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the same man appeared again, demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row - too expensive - and there were no discounts. The price was still $1,000. Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Natalie and they went upstairs.

After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for the third consecutive night, but he paid Natalie and they went upstairs. After their session, Natalie questioned the man. "No one has ever used me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked.

The man replied, "South Carolina."

"Really" she said. "I also have family in South Carolina."

"I know", the man said.

"Your father died and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to deliver your $3,000 inheritance."

The moral of the story is: Some things in life are certain, 1. Death 2. Taxes 3. Being screwed by a lawyer

Keywords: legal inheritance lawyer law joke brothel prostitute hooker prostitution funny

Things My Mom Taught Me

Found this email very interesting and funny but somewhat real!

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION:
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC:
"Because I said so, thats why."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT:
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY:
"Keep crying and Ill give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS:
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:
"Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA:
"You'll sit there till all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER:
"It looks as if a cyclone swept through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS:
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - don't exaggerate!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about ENVY:
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

So how many reminds you of your mom? ;)

Keywords: joke funny interesting email mom mother lessons teachings taught

hitsFM or shitFM

[SOURCE: Anthem America]

Just had to post this up. The design for this car is just horrible! You decide: hitsFM or shitFM?

Keywords: hitsFM shitFM hits shit FM radio music hitz photo joke funny design horrible car van bad

A Manager's Dilemma

One for the weekend.

An office manager had money problems and had to fire an employee, either Jack or Jill. He thought he'd fire the employee who came late to work the next morning.

Well, both employees came to work very early. Then the manager thought he would catch the first one who took a coffee break. Unfortunately, neither employee took a coffee break.

Then the manager decided to see who took the longest lunch break - strangely, neither Jack nor Jill took a lunch break that day, they both ate at their desk. Then the manager thought he'd wait and see who would leave work the earliest and both employees stayed after closing.

Jill finally went to the coat rack and the manager went up to her & said,
"Jill, I have a terrible problem. I don't know whether to lay you or Jack off."

Jill said, "Well, you'd better jack off, because I'm late for my bus."

Have a great weekend!

Keywords: joke funny manager dilemma jack off

Reason For Taking Leave

A joke for the weekend. Received this through email:

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave.

I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing?

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing ?"

I told him I was a light bulb. He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days".

I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker followed me, the Boss asked her "...And where do you think you're going?"

She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark."

I'm going to take leave now. Looking at my fishes swim round and round in the tanks are making me dizzy. :P Have a great weekend!

Keywords: funny joke leave holiday work weekend reason excuse

Who's Smarter - Man or Woman?

A joke for the weekend:

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realise that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to."

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.

















The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!

The real moral of the story:
Women are really dumb but think they're really smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show."

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!! :P

Keywords: joke man woman funny wishes

Lesson Of The Day

A Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner, who lives with a girl roommate Sunita.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's, roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver chutney jar. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Kumar said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the chutney jar from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the chutney jar. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
Kumar

Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read:

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the chutney jar by now under the pillow...

Love,
Mom

Lesson of the day:
Don't Lie to Your Mother!

Keywords: lesson of the day joke advice lesson don't lie

A Lesson In Theological Genetics