You're Fired

Now I know how it feels like to be retrenched. The feeling is obviously worse when you have commitments and already on a tight budget. Well, I'm not technically retrenched per se since I don't technically have a job but one of my students decided to stop really unexpectedly and it's really hurting my pockets at the moment.

Since she makes up a substantial portion of my monthly income nowadays, it was a big blow especially when the news came right after the petrol price increase. If I felt pinched by the petrol price increase, I practically felt a sucker punch when I heard the news from her mom. It truly came out of nowhere. There was no signs that she wanted to stop or the tuition was not working out. They were even making long-term plans for the tuition. I have to admit that she's unresponsive to the lessons but I put it that she was either shy or tired, not that she wasn't interested in the lessons. Turns out, my way is not working out for her after all.

I did feel bad that I couldn't have helped her more but come to think of it, I did my best with the limited opportunities I had. She's a bit behind compared to my other student but of course she had less lessons compared to the other student. However, the other student seems to be more interested in the lessons and I can see she puts in the effort during and after each lesson. This girl however, doesn't seem to do so. I couldn't even give her homework since she says she has lots of homework and she's always tired from school. I could only test her during lessons and even then she doesn't seem to be able to absorb what has been taught. As such, I wasn't able to assess her progress properly although I did know she's not progressing as much as I would have liked her to.

I've learnt however not to push them too much and to let them take their time instead. In the long run, the results will come. Only this time, I wasn't given the opportunity to see the fruits of my labour. Her test is next week and credit must be given to me if she does well for the test. After drilling her the same questions week after week, she's bound to remember, no? My method is more to understanding rather than memorising. That's why there are things that I teach that cannot be found in the revision books. After all, what I'm telling them is not part of their syllabus but I feel it helps to paint a complete picture of what they are learning, to make it more interesting, to make it easier to understand That's why I feel it's important to give them those extra information although they need not know them now. I know it would have helped me heaps if I had known those extra facts when I was at their age.

I don't feel sorry anymore after days of reflection which explains my absence from blogging for the past couple of days (my sincere apologies). Not only did it affect me financially, it also affected me psychologically since it kind of told me I was a failure and I don't that those lightly. I know given time, she would have realised the lessons helped after all but that's not to be anymore. The conversation with the mom was quite informational since I did pick up some information that suggests I'm not to be blamed after all. The mom was quite surprised to hear me telling her that I could not give her ample homework since her daughter told me she was swamped with homework and always tired from school. Seems like it could have been a lie or half-lie after all from her reaction to that statement.

If that is the case, then I cannot be held responsible at all since it is obvious she's not putting serious effort into the lessons! That's the reason why I do not feel any guilt at not being able to help her since she was obviously not interested at helping herself! I should be absolved from all blame if there was ever any cast my way. I'm not the one to be blamed!

Anyway, after getting that out from my system, I still have to sort out my financial situation. I've to start paying my education loan which I was planning to use the money I earned from this student's tuition fees. Also, I've promised to attend my friend's wedding in a couple of weeks time meaning a gift is due. Before attending the wedding, I had planned to get my hair done but it seems out of my budget now. That's probably the last of my worries at the moment, anyway. Sigh...and here I thought I need not worry about my cashflow anymore at least for the near future.