Healthcare

A joke I would like to share with you all.

A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital. During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.

"Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?"

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily
rupture."

"Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay," said the woman.

As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him. Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified?

Again the doctor spoke very calmly, "Same illness, just a better health plan."

Have a great weekend. :)

Keywords: healthcare jokes masturbation blowjob health hospital

All Good Things Must Come To An End

And fortunately bad things too. The season finales of some top-rated shows lined up one after another last month. It was a bitter sweet season for the few series I religiously follow. Some really surprised me with how the season panned out.



A new series I started following was 30 Rock. It's an amazingly hilarious and witty show, and the perfect substitute for Joey which was canceled due to low ratings. It's actually quite a different show from Joey. Joey's the 'lawak bodoh' type of comedy while 30 Rock is the intellectual, witty and in-your-face type of comedy, and I very much prefer the latter. The show is filled with sarcasm and I just love it. I used to be the master of sarcasm, I was told. ;)



After Joey was discontinued and before I discovered 30 Rock, the only show I could rely on to provide generous doses of endorphins was Desperate Housewives. Watching the clumsy nature of Susan and witty comebacks of Gabrielle will always put a smile on my face however horrible I feel before watching the show. This is actually the only reason why I'm still watchinging Desperate Housewives after all the mysteries and intrigue wore off after the first two seasons.

Of course there's the eye candy to feast on but my grouse is they always add new hot male characters and fail to do the same for the benefit of the male audience. When will there be new hot chicks? Gabrielle may be hot but we just want more!

I also like how there's some kind of closure and you seem to be able to learn something from each episode. Will I continue watching season four of Desperate Housewives? Yes, even if it's only to watch Susan mess things up again and again or Gabrielle go on one of her tirades. Oh, and what is this about Lynette getting cancer?!? Hasn't she got enough on her plate already? God, please give her a break already!



Heroes is another new series I started watching. To me, it's a little bit like X-Men and we all just love X-Men or at least the thought that we may have some special abilities, no? The series may be the best rated new series but I don't think it's anything to do with the plot. They don't have the best writers who can really keep you at the edge of your seats. The enigma of the show existed before the show even started and they didn't exactly add any new and interesting plots or bits and pieces that makes you go "WTF?!?" or "Huh?!?". To me, a good series must have loads of that. Heroes is more like taking a ride on a slow midnight train rather than a roller-coaster.

I believe most people watched the series only to see the antics of Hiro Nakamura. I know I did. Didn't like the season finale though. Seems like the writers were trying to tie up too many loose ends. Everything was kinda rushed in this episode when throughout the whole season, we were moving along slowly. It's as if the train started to pick up speed upon seeing its destination. Too much closure. Looking forward to seeing new characters with new abilities and also the ever so likeable Hiro in the next season of Heroes. Yatta!



24 is a series I like very, very, very much. Day 5 was the best season of 24 ever and Day 6 had some high expectations to meet right from the very beginning. They took a different approach for Day 6. They took a gamble. And it didn't pay off. It was quite a depressing season and it was very hard to swallow. It started off well but most of the excitement wore off after the opening week. Halfway through the season, it was as good as watching milk curdle. They have to stop using Los Angeles as the target city. What's so great about LA that terrorists want to target it time after time? It doesn't make sense anymore.

The producers and writers are noticing the negative feedbacks for Day 6 and are working on making changes to the show to ensure Day 7 will not crash and burn like Day 6. Please bring back the true magic of 24 - the intrigue, the excitement, the uncertainty, the adrenaline-pumping action, insubordination, treachery, underhandedness and all that we love about 24. Keep the love scenes to a minimum, please. They were really getting in the way of all that testosterone-filled action. Watching Milo trying so hard to kiss Nadia was the most awkward moment on television ever! *vomits*



So basically, a lot of the series have disappointed so far especially their season finales. Except one. Lost. Surprising as it may sound, Lost had the best ending for this season. True, the series became draggy midway of season 2 and it continued on in season 3. I continue watching it just to know how the story pans out eventually. Definitely not for any entertainment value. All of the novelty of watching Lost was lost (no pun intended) after the first season.

All that took a change for the better somewhere in the middle of this season. More twists and turns were added in the storyline. More "WTF?!?" and "Huh?!?" sprinkled here and there, and we all know how much I love those two. With each passing episode, the show was getting better. It was as if they put in new writers with fresh ideas to bring Lost back to life. And it all climaxed during the season finale. The season finale leaves you with the biggest "WTF?!?" and "Huh?!?" ever in the history of television and what a way to end the season and pave the way for season 4. They are promising each episode from now on to have a purpose in finally bringing Lost to a close. No more filler episodes. However, the 24 remaining episodes will be spread out into THREE more seasons, eight each season. *faints*

I'm behind on series such as Grey's Anatomy and Prison Break but I'm working on rectifying that situation soon enough. Grey's Anatomy I like. A LOT. Prison Break however, still much to be desired. I still don't find the show as griping as some claim it to be. As soon as they toss a twist in the plot that makes you go "WTF?!?", they take all the magic out by revealing things too quickly and taking the wind out from the sails. What's all that about? Bad writing, I would say. Maybe the later episodes would help change my mind? I'm not so confident at this moment in time but who knows?

Keywords: television series 30 Rock Desperate Housewives Joey Heroes X-Men Hiro Nakamura Yatta 24 Lost Grey's Anatomy Prison Break WTF season review round-up

You Know Britain's Got Talent

You know Britain's got talent when a mobile phone salesman can sing opera like he's been doing it professionally all his life...



...and a six year old girl can melt your hearts and make your eyes all watery just listening to her innocent voice.



I enjoyed watching this show very much. It is way better than American Idol or anything like that. I really take my comments back regarding British shows being a tad boring compared to their American counterparts. This show was just fantastic!

A different format from the rest, this show was aired every night for a week instead of only one or two episodes per week. This really kept the momentum going and the interest growing. Of course YouTube was a big factor in making this such a phenomenal success. One of Connie Talbot's audition video alone has been viewed over two million times, favourited over 12000 times and received over 8000 comments in just over a week!

It was a refreshing change really. If American Idol depended on controversies, hype and drama to push ratings up, ITV's Britain's Got Talent focused solely on the talents of the contestants. The judges kept to their jobs. There wasn't any hanky-panky going around or judges who don't know how to give comments *cough* Paula Abdul *cough*. Even when Simon Cowell gives a negative feedback, there were no boos from the audience, just the occasional "awwws". That's what I call being civilised.

The hosts of the show were simply awesome. I would watch the show even if it was just the two of them. They are really entertaining to watch. No wonder Ant and Dec have been performing together since they were thirteen! Definitely way better than Ryan Seacrest, no doubt about it. They really gave the show that little extra spice.

Congratulations to Paul Potts on winning the first ever Britain's Got Talent. It has always been between him and Connie Talbot. She's just so adorable and sweet. She's mighty brave too being able to sing on stage in front of a live audience THREE times within a few days. If I were her age and thrown on stage in front of a live audience for any reason whatsoever, I would probably have pooped in my pants. Honest to God, cross my heart and hope to die.

I'm really glad both Paul and Connie has received recording contracts for their obvious talents. They utterly deserve it. I'm eagerly waiting for the release of their debut albums. I'm sure they will sell like hot cakes!

Keywords: "You Know" Compendium Britain's Got Talent talent show Paul Potts Connie Talbot youtube music video Britain 2007 ITV American Idol Paula Abdul Simon Cowell Ryan Seacrest Somewhere Over The Rainbow song opera singer Nessun Dorma Ant & Dec

My First Blowjob

Girl not included

I had my first Blowjob at bed recently and I shared it with three others. OK, before you perverts start salivating and get your pupils all dilated and stuff, let me set the record straight here. Blowjob is a drink and bed is a lounge bar located at Belissa Row, Pulau Tikus. Story ain't that interesting now, is it? Alright, you perverts may leave now. Shoo!!!


Blowjob and RM2 worth of it wasted

Blowjob is actually a ladies drink. A shot drink. A drink you put your mouth over the shot glass and tilt your head back quickly. No hands. The drink contains Kahlua and Bailey's. The one we had had mint in it too and it was awful. I don't exactly like mint that much but seriously the drink tasted weird. If a real blowjob ever tasted anything like that, I don't see how one would want to subject themselves to it.

A friend of mine was persuaded by a girl to order the drink. After much persuasion, my friend caved in and thankfully she was the one who placed the order. It would have been awkward for a guy to order a ladies drink, no? It wasn't cheap for a drink in a very small shot glass. RM18 without tax. So, we decided to take loads of pictures and savour the drink slowly instead of taking it in one whole shot. Can you imagine swallowing RM18 just like that? Unfortunately we spilled some during all that camwhoring, teasing and laughing. About RM2 worth of it.

I ordered a safer drink, Cafe Bailey's. Basically, it's coffee mixed with Bailey's. The girls ordered something like hot chocolate and milkshake (or something like that) but the Blowjob received all the attention, rightly so. The prices are a tad more expensive than Segafredo though but all in all, bed is not too shabby with good music, great interior and a nice atmosphere. Top it off with wonderful company and you are assured of a great outing. Just don't order a Blowjob. :P

Keywords: Blowjob drink Cafe Bailey's bed Pulau Tikus Penang Malaysia Bailey's Irish Cream Kahlua

A Return To The Movies

My last visit to a cinema - Alexander (December 2004). Fast forward to May 2007 - the dry spell ends.

It has been a long time. Way too long, some would say. Close to 30 months, actually. During the dry spell, I got my movie fix from the Astro Movie Package, DVDs and downloads from the internet. Reasons I decided not to watch a movie in a cinema:

• screaming/crying children
• people talking on their phones
• people asking questions/talking too loud
• sick people coughing throughout the movie
  
• people getting up to go to the toilet
• munching/slurping their food/drinks too loudly
• cut scenes that kinda makes you feel you travelled forward in time
• annoying subtitles
• long advertisements at the beginning
  
• people who don't know when to laugh
• too cold cinemas
• too warm cinemas
• too small seats for too expensive prices
• time constraint
• and so on, and so forth...
  

So what made me change my mind then? I've been wanting to experience the big screen feeling again for awhile now but just didn't get to doing it. This time however, I took the plunge, cleared my schedule, coughed up the dough and never looked back. I've watched my fourth movie since then.



Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World's End was the movie that broke my barren spell. I just had to see Captain Jack Sparrow and of course the company I was watching with was not that bad also. In truth, that was the only reason why I watched the movie. His antics will tickle you silly. The movie however wasn't that great. If not for Johnny Depp and his magnificent acting abilities, the show would have been more painful than watching paint dry.



My second movie was the very day after - Spiderman 3. A midnight movie just before a night hike to Pantai Kerachut. A whole lot better than Pirates of the Caribbean 3 although I still don't understand how some could actually cry watching the movie. Yes, there are some touching scenes but nothing emotional enough to get the waterworks flowing. The Spiderman franchise is improving with every installment and that is good news indeed. True, the storyline of the movie is different from that of the comic but I guess it is understandable that you can't expect them to follow every single bit of it, can you? Wonder which villains will be featured in Spiderman 4?



Shrek the Third was next in line. You can see by now a pattern developing, no? The movies I watched were the third installment of each franchise. I wasn't too pleased with Shrek the Third though. It was just over an hour long but fortunately, I paid only RM5 for my ticket. If not, I would have thrown a fit! I went for Shrek to have a good laugh and I did get a healthy dose of it but the storyline is a bit flat. I heard there's a Shrek 4 and 5 in the pipeline! I shudder at the thought of that!!! Can they really squeeze anymore plots out of this franchise? A prequel?!? Oh boy...



And finally, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer last night. The Silver Surfer is one character I was very fascinated with when I was reading comics years back. It oozes class and enigma all over. I caught the first Fantastic Four movie on a bus from Penang to Singapore. I fell asleep watching it and was totally relieved I didn't pay to watch it at the cinema. It wasn't that good. The Rise of the Silver Surfer however is way better. This is one show really worth watching. Of course, being able to watch Jessica Alba always helps. ;)

The audience nowadays are quite different from yesteryears. They seem quite civil nowadays, at least to all the movies I've gone to so far. The advertisements at the beginning of the show has become longer however. It is about 20 minutes now! That's seriously a huge chunk of advertisements to sit through. At least the trailers nowadays are more interesting than previously.

Subtitles really gets to me. Most of the time, the subtitles are not right and are way too intrusive. Maybe someone could invent some special lens that you could choose your preferred subtitle and only you alone will be able to see it through the special lens. At least when you need subtitles, you have a chance to understand the show. And when you don't need subtitles, you get to enjoy the movie without intrusive words and letterings ever changing at the bottom of your screen (or sometimes somewhere else).

All in all, the experience has very much changed since I watched a movie at a cinema many years ago. That will probably keep me watching more movies at the cinema for awhile more, especially when Transformers and Harry Porter and the Order of the Phoenix are coming up really soon. :)

Keywords: Alexander movie DVD Pirates of the Caribbean 3 At World's End Captain Jack Sparrow Spiderman 3 Shrek the Third Fantastic Four Rise of the Silver Surfer Jessica Alba advertisements subtitles cinema Transformers Harry Porter Order of the Phoenix

Jelutong Traffic Hell

Ever since they announced the conversion of some roads in Jelutong from one-way streets back to two-way, I knew it was a major mistake and the residents and businesses there are idiots to actually think they could save time and petrol from this change. My journey along Jalan Jelutong last Saturday only confirmed my observations and justified my convictions.

Previously, if you were going to Batu Lanchang or Jelutong from Georgetown, you would have to take Jalan Jelutong since there are no exits along the Jelutong Expressway into these areas. Now that Jalan Jelutong has been converted back to a two-way street after nearly two decades, and to ensure smooth-flowing traffic, you are unable to make any right turns into Jalan Tan Sri Teh Ewe Lim or Lebuhraya Gelugor.

Due to that change, you can neither use the Jelutong Expressway or Jelutong Road now to get to Batu Lanchang or Jelutong from Georgetown. Previously, you could turn right at Lebuhraya Gelugor to get to Jelutong or Batu Lanchang. So, the only way to get into these areas now is through Jalan Masjid Negeri which is too well-known for its traffic. Either that or you could travel the whole of Jalan Jelutong and make a u-turn at the Jalan Udini roundabout to get into Lebuhraya Gelugor. Mind you, the queue at the roundabout can be very, very, very long so braving the jam on Jalan Masjid Negeri would seem the lesser of two evils although it's a longer route.

I don't see how this traffic system would help businesses either. Those coming from Georgetown can't get to Maybank, AmBank or the other businesses on that side of the road. Of course, you could make a turning before the Penang Squash Centre if you really need to get to any of these shops but most likely, I'll rather go to another shop than to go through so much hassle, wouldn't you? Likewise, if you're coming from Bayan Baru, you can't get to the shops from the other side of the road. The only way would be to make a big loop like in the old traffic system. If that's the case, why change the traffic system at all?

True, traffic can be quite bad on Lebuhraya Gelugor with the old traffic system but I don't see how much this would change the situation since most people who wants to head to Georgetown would rather take the Jelutong Expressway than to slowly chug around on Jalan Jelutong, and that's the only major benefit from the change to the new system, a smoother and shorter drive to Georgetown. There will still be a lot of cars travelling on Lebuhraya Gelugor, maybe more since it's two-way traffic now. The cars may be moving slower now compared to before but it's only because the traffic dispersal is bad, so is this what they really want?!? More carbon emissions spewing into their homes?

I can see the necessity of this change but it's premature to do it now. Until the Jelutong Expressway is fully completed with all exits in place, capable of dispersing traffic from all these areas, Jalan Jelutong and the other affected roads should remain one-way. Traffic is already heavy when it was one-way. Can you imagine how bad it is now when it is two-way?

The residents and businesses constantly and selfishly lobbied for the change and when they finally got it, they are now complaining it's worse than before. [PDF] WTF?!? You mean you couldn't see this happening when they came out with the plan? Are Jelutong folks really that shallow and/or short-sighted? That's why I say the Jelutong folks are a naive lot to actually believe this would be a change for the better. It will, but now's not the right time. If the Jelutong folks were the only ones suffering from this folly of theirs, I would just leave the system to remind them of their silly mistake. Unfortunately, Jelutong is one of the nerve centres on the island and now others have to share in this hardship caused by some selfish and brainless folks who are better off keeping their heads buried under the sand. At least then they wouldn't harm anyone else but themselves.

Keywords: Jelutong Penang Malaysia traffic Udini roundabout Jelutong Expressway Batu Lanchang Georgetown

Maybank Does Not Want My Money

It's been a frustrating two weeks trying to make a deposit with the largest bank in Malaysia. It is as if Maybank does not want my money at all.

A few years back, you always hear of complaints that the largest bank in Malaysia was always out of money. Its ATMs (Automated Teller Machines) were always out of cash whenever you try to withdraw from one. Fortunately, they have the widest network of branches among all the banks, so you could actually drive around to a few branches to search for an ATM that had money. And when you do find one, you would most likely find a long queue at the ATM. You pray and hope (short of offering a sacrificial animal) that the ATM won't run out of money when it is your turn.

Fortunately, you don't see that happening anymore, at least not that often. Now, with CDMs (Cash Deposit Machines) catching up in popularity with ATMs, looks like CDMs are experiencing the same problems as its ATM siblings did not so long ago.

My every attempt for the past two weeks trying to find a CDM that would actually accept my money was extremely frustrating. Everytime I walked into a branch, the machines will flash "Out of Service" messages across their screens. Sometimes the ATMs were affected too. I was really close to getting paranoid, as if the machines has somewhat gone on strike against me. If that were to be true, I would seriously not know the reason why since I'm very delicate with the machines and I always know the right buttons to push. *ahem* ;)

Last Saturday's attempt at depositing cash with Maybank was my worst experience ever. I first tried the outlet at Jelutong. All CDMs were flashing "Out of Service" messages. Went to the branch opposite Penang Free School. The CDMs weren't functioning either. Drove to Pulau Tikus since there are two branches there, hoping real hard that at least one of them had a working CDM. No luck even at both branches.

Since I was heading to Upper Penang Road, I had the comforting thought that I could at least find ONE machine from any of the MANY branches in Georgetown that would actually want my money. However, I didn't want to waste more time and petrol jumping from one branch to another. I've spent over half an hour on what would usually be a simple task that would usually take no longer than a couple of minutes. It actually dawned upon me that the chances of me getting mugged was probably higher than finding a working Maybank CDM.

I drove straight to their main office at Union Street. There were many ATMs, CDMs, M&M's and a plethora of other M's for purposes such as updating your passbook, depositing cheques and whatnots, in a room larger than some people's flats. It was kinda like self-service banking heaven. However, they had only ONE functioning CDM and the queue was really long. I was praying hard that it wouldn't stop working when it was my turn and cursed myself for not having brought along a sacrificial animal to help my cause.

With the person right in front of me depositing huge stacks of RM50 notes, my hopes diminished slowly everytime the machine counted his notes. Please don't fill up the machine. Do leave some space for my few measly notes. I was sweating even in the insanely cold room. I really don't understand why they need to have so many air-conditioning outlets in there when the room is most of the time empty especially after office hours.

Fortunately, I successfully deposited my money after visiting the fifth branch and over an hour lost. Finally Maybank accepted my money, but only after pissing me off for the umpteenth time and having stolen so much of my precious time (and petrol). Maybank really has to work on keeping their machines online and/or ensuring their machines don't fill up with cash (CDM) or run out of cash (ATM). Maybe they should introduce more machines that will do both receiving and dispensing cash. At least that will ensure the likelihood of the machine running out of cash or filling up to be much less since both tasks will balance each other out.

I really do hope my next experience won't be as excruciating as what I've gone through the past two weeks.

Keywords: Maybank Penang Malaysia bank finance financial institution ATM CDM automated teller machine cash deposit machine cheque deposit machine out of service